2025 Determination

My mother always says time flies when you are having fun, and even when you are not. I find thats true. 
I've been home almost two years now, and I did mean to document my healing journey... but I just couldn't bring myself to sit down and write the words. While I'm not where I was, I still am not yet where I want to be.  They say it takes 5 years to recover from serious burnout and I'm only on year two...when you throw in all the other trauma... well who knows.  But like the phrase in 'What about Bob' "Baby Steps".

2024 was riddled with health issues, kidney stones, colonoscopies, gynecological/perimenopausal concerns, various random autoimmune responses and skin concerns, and once again, herniated discs.  I am a firm believer in the mind/body connection, and I cant help but wonder if some of these flare ups and issues are in part a part of my overall processing of all the traumas... and hopefully as I continue to work on all of that maybe I'll not be sick all the time or have so many injuries... I can hope anyway.  Despite all the health stuff I tried a quick foray into dating, but quickly gave up on the notion.  

The world is scary right now. Especially America... as a result of my ongoing healing from burnout and a life full of trauma I find myself especially overwhelmed by it all. As a result I'm deleting my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I'm going to try and order from Amazon less (thats a really hard one as there are certain things Its hard to find locally and Amazon makes it so easy to find just about everything). I'm trying to be more mindful about which brands I buy (There's an app called Goods which will show the political leanings of companies). I sign the petitions and email my representatives (what good it does, who knows). I try to keep the balance of being aware while not losing my mind and all hope. 

My 2025 goal is to read, and write more. For christmas I got myself an ipad as part of my upgrading my phone and already in that time I've read 9 books on the ipad and finished one of the physical books I've been reading. I'm barely watching TV/movies. I've put together 4 jigsaw puzzles. All of this is to try and find some peace and sanity. I'm thinking of taking a watercolor class. Everything is in an ongoing search for peace and contentment. 

Chai and Mango keep me entertained and cuddled. Chai has just decided that right now is the precise time he needs to sit on my lap, and was not best pleased with me when I moved him to the side.  My friend circle grows ever smaller as time goes on and I work on me.  But I am increasingly content in solitude. 

I had been posting recipes on Instagram and I will be working today transferring them over to here today and tomorrow. I'm mid Soup project where I attempt to make over 100 soups. I still find that cooking is one of my favorite creative/peaceful/meditative things. 

So I'm back.. and will try to remain so.