  There comes a time in grief where you cease to feel (at least for me) the pain is so great that you just go numb and thinking and doing is impossible. My grandmother Dorothy Neils died yesterday. February18th 2018. With exception to my father, my relationship with my grandmother is probably my most complicated. I loved her deeply, and she did irreversible damage to me over the years. To me she was always a wonder, exceptionally smart, witty, driven, beautiful, classy, exceptional in the kitchen, hard working…. entitled, judgmental and hard. I think I have spent most of my life striving to please her and make her proud. She was for many years the sole female influence.
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