Winter blahs. I’m struggling and not going to lie about it. Work isn’t going great, I kept hoping it would get better, that I’d find my groove, that I’d fit in, that I’d be doing and given a chance to do the things that I told them at the start that I’m good at. I’m not. I’m doing things I’m terrible at, math, codes, data entry, stuff that I told them from the start I’m bad at. Every day I feel like an idiot and am chastised for doing something wrong, not catching something I was supposed, to or not being fast enough, or whatever else I do wrong. I feel like I’m failing, every day. It’s exhausting and disheartening. The idea of finding something else is exhausting too. I own that I’m a perfectionist… that type A personality rears its head. If I don't do well at something rather quickly my instinct is to give up. I want a certain amount of ease and effortlessness in life and want my efforts and accomplishments acknowledged. This is a pattern throughout my life. I’m trying to be better. Not take things personally, not care so much. It’s been 6 months, so maybe it’s just not the right fit. I want it to be. I still feel like I’m learning the various programs and codes and layouts and it’s just a lot. I’m discouraged. I don’t like coming home defeated every night and being a depressed ball all weekend. Alone. It’s not good.
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I’m on soup 4 on my journey. So far it’s been a journey of what’s on hand, using up odds and ends in the fridge and pantry. Tight budget yada yada…
Beets are a favorite in my family. Sweet and earthy with beautiful color I love playing with beets in the kitchen. Dad used to make Borscht and it was a soup I always enjoyed. His contained predominately beets, carrots, tomatoes and cabbage, he’d use chicken stock and he’d top it with a big scoop of sour cream.
I wanted to make a vegetarian/vegan version and up the heartiness and veggie content. It turned out amazing. Really I’m kind of in love with this stew. ![]() Winter has come in Montana. Mom has left for Borrego. I am alone, again. The snow falls down, the grief sets in, along with the anxiety of life choices and crippling self doubt. I combat these dark hellish feelings with self-care as best I might: do my nails, color, take baths, spend hours escaping into Netflix and Pinterest, and I cook. |
Food
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