Getting what you want vs getting what you need

Look who has a smart phone... I can blog on the go! How exciting! 




So I'm in a show.... I got cast 4 days ago and we open in 5 days. I'm actually replacing someone who walked out. The role is Madam Arcati in Noel Cowards Blithe Spirit. It's probably the scariest damn thing I've done acting wise... I don't know all my blocking I certainly don't know all my lines and my normal very methodical research and character discovery? Well there's no time for that. Just dive in and go. Also the role is outrageous and bigger than life, I usually rock at the subtle thoughtful stuff. I wanted this though as frighting as it is, just a week ago I was pondering giving up, the gauntlet of audition and rejection had worn me down. I mean how many times can a person hear " you are so talented, this just isn't the right show you're too-------. ( young, old, fat, whatever) " before it just wears you down? So I thought well maybe this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.. Maybe the last 33 years of pursuit of a dream was all pointless. How awful. Then my friend called me and asked me if I'd jump in, and despite the fact that I'm in the middle of a move, that it's a huge commute and gas is outrageous and I'm terribly poor I said yes, because when the door opens that you've been pounding on you go through it, even if it's not your timing. It's what I want, and maybe it's what I need a little too. More than sleep, more than getting everything else done on time, more than eating really healthy ( I had Macdonalds for the first time in about 10 years today,,,,, utterly disgusting and pizza) 




It will all work out, as completely frazzled as I am right now I need to remember that I chose this because it's what I love and to just be the best I can, the moving, the job, all that other stuff will work itself out. 




It's 1 am I have to be up at 7 and should still read through my script one more time