Mindfulness Monday - Saying Yes (and sometimes no)

​My dear friend Holley gave me a deck of Mindfulness Cards a while ago. Todays card is “Yes, Yes, Yes”! It made me think of the above Liza Minelli song.

​“The idea of saying a giant, fat “Yes!” to everything that comes your way might feel cheesy or over the top, but as a mindfulness exercise, the practice of “yes” can be incredibly freeing. Whenever you notice any resistance to something that is happening in your direct experience, such as a difficult emotion or difficult sensation, instead of pushing it away try saying “yes” to the feeling and see what happens if it feels OK to do so.
 
I have a lot to say about saying Yes… and saying no.  In improv there’s the whole concept of saying “Yes, and” to further the story and often it’s good to apply that to life as well.

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​Saying yes will take you some amazing places.
Do trust your gut though. There’s a difference between scary but good and scary and dangerous.  Stay safe!

​Yes, can be scary.
Especially for those of us with a history of trauma.
​Yes, can expose us to being hurt, or let down, or overwhelm.
Yes, can also be transformative and bring connections, healing, and adventure.

via GIPHY

​Finding the balance between Yes… and No is hard.

​As someone with CPTSD we have a hard time saying no… at least for me.. I got in trouble when I said no, I still have a hard time saying no and speaking up for myself. Setting boundaries.

It’s possible to say Yes and …
while still set boundaries.
“Dinner? Yes, that sounds great. Let’s meet at 5 I want to be home by 8 at the latest.”

“Date? Yes, lets go to this sushi place I know, it’s great!”

“Project? Yes that sounds good, I’d like to flush out the details and know the timeline and your expectations fully before I commit.”

Say yes while making terms that make you feel comfortable.

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Setting boundaries. Is in fact a way of saying yes with the added benefit of self care. 

​I have a Fear of saying Yes. This mostly stems from:
 1. Fear.  
2. Very early on in life I learned to evaluate the dangers of the situation… because often, if it went wrong, it was my fault… (or so I was led to believe).
 
Sometimes it will go horribly wrong. But one of the things I’ve learned in my 45 years is that so far I’ve survived everything. Sometimes, it hurts.

Things I’m proud of for saying Yes to:

1. Moving across the country in the middle of the pandemic to a place I’d never been, knowing no one, for a job that was totally unclear in the description.
   1. I met amazing people.
   2. I got incredible life skills.
   3. I had a lot of fun.
2. Accepting acting roles on short notice with very little information.
   1. Playing Madam Arcati in Blithe Spirit with like 4 rehearsals… sure? Did I sleep for a week to learn everything? No I did not. Did I get it done and put in a performance I was proud of? Yes I did.
3. Randomly applying to, auditioning for, and going to Cornish…
   1. Sure I have debt I fear I will never pay off… also I’m not using my degree… HOWEVER… It was an amazing experience.
   2. I gained valuable mentors/family.
   3. Incredible friends.
   4. Awesome skills that even though I’m not “Acting” I use every day.
4. Getting to know my mom.
   1. I could have listened to my dad. And believed his lies… but I didn’t. I said yes and now have the most amazing friend and support and family I never had.
   2. I gained aunts and uncles and cousins I never knew growing up.
5. Adopting Chai and Mango.
   1. These cats are my world. They bring me comfort and joy every day.
   2. I made a family at Page Animal Adoption Agency.
   3. I accomplished some good for them and for my cats.
   4. I entertain the world with their Instagram… give a follow… @a_kitty_named_chai
6. Adventures
   1. Any travel I’ve done has widened my view point.
   2. Introduced me to deliciousness.
   3. Connected me to awesome people.

via GIPHY

​Say yes.
Yes to healing.
Yes to life.
Yes to the deliciousness.
Yes to boundaries.
Yes to friendships.
Yes to adventures.
Yes to love.
Yes to art.
 
Also… Say no forcefully when you need to.
No to red flags.
No to disrespect.
No to overwork.
No to bigotry.
No to hatred.
No to intolerance.
No to inequality.
No to abuse.
No to misinformation.