Therapeutic Thursday - 05.11.23

May is mental health awareness month. Acknowledging trauma, and then actually doing something about it are two different things. To do the work… is scary.
 
 To say that I’m floundering physically and mentally is an understatement. It’s better since coming home. It is. But it’s like a few steps in a very long journey. For me this whole year I’ve decided is about mental and physical health. I think the two are linked. So I’ll be working on both.

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I had a good cry last night… random grief wave. Something reminded me of Bob (one of my teachers and mentors) which led me to think about Hal (one of my other teachers and mentors… ((they were friends))…. So I had a good cry about both of them. Missing… both…. Their encouragement and support… long after graduation… right up until they died. ((and now I’m crying again)).
 
They both believed in me (often during times where I didn’t believe in myself). Bob gave me physical exercises to do to help my body and my brain and Hal gave pearls of wisdom or puns to make me laugh.  I will forever feel their absence.

Grief is so weird.  I liken it to an ocean. It’s really easy to get caught up in in… especially at first… after a while you are still in it but you build yourself a little raft of coping skills and the waves are less of a storm and more of a calm ever present reminder…. Every now and then though… rogue wave that knocks you off your raft.
 
Today after work I went and saw my amazing Chiropractor again (my third visit since coming home) and he said… There’s good improvement! There is. And I’m grateful for it… The first steps in a long journey.  I asked him,  (because I trust him thoroughly and he knows me well enough by now to know who would be a good fit for me) if he knew a good therapist…. Especially one who is skilled in C-ptsd therapies.  He in fact does know someone… and she practices out of his back room in the clinic… so I have her card now. I'm going to learn to swim... through all the grief... and trauma... but it's time to call for help.

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My relationship with mental therapy is problematic. My father (the narcissist) to my knowledge didn’t go to counseling, yet he insisted that I did. I don’t really remember much from these visits except that I really didn’t like the male I saw for a while and liked the lady I saw a little bit better because we mostly just played board games. (This was when I was very young mind).  I attempted it briefly as an adult but struggled finding someone I liked. I saw a nice woman in collage couple awesome hypnotherapists afterwards but one moved and then the other… I moved.

All that was before so many people I loved died... 
There's a lot to unpack and work through...

I’ve downloaded a meditation app. Balance ( https://balanceapp.com/)  They are doing a free year demo special right now. I’ve been using it 4 nights and I have to say I’m enjoying it. I’ve never been good at meditating. It’s hard to shut off the ADHD brain.
 
I’m much better at physical therapies. Chiropractic, Massage, Rolfing, Acupuncture, Saunas, Exercises…. Face masks… mani-pedis…That’s far less scary and also one sees or feels progress … faster.

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My chiropractor Dr. Dudley agreed to speak with me soon about his process, and what we are doing specifically for me, for my blog. I’m excited to share that process and how it’s helping me.  He likes that I’m writing (it too is a type of therapy) and liked the aqua jogging idea.
 
So I’ll be working.

​If you are going through things too… be good and gentle with yourself. You aren’t alone. We can do this. Let's support each other. 
 
Also, it’s absolutely ok to cry.

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Like what I’m saying and want to support me?  I’m on the following apps:
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