Necessity is the mother of invention, so they say. I’ve started this soup challenge… of course right now I’m broke so I’m limited to what is on hand in the fridge and pantry. So that means getting creative.
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Winter has come in Montana. Mom has left for Borrego. I am alone, again. The snow falls down, the grief sets in, along with the anxiety of life choices and crippling self doubt. I combat these dark hellish feelings with self-care as best I might: do my nails, color, take baths, spend hours escaping into Netflix and Pinterest, and I cook. I love Sia. So many of her songs speak to me on a core level. I’ve been listing to my Pandora “Chill” station that features her a lot lately. (I made it public so if you want to check it out go here Erica's Chill Station) I have commitment issues with a lot of things but Pandora is forever. I’ve spent way to much time thumbing up and thumbing down and cultivating my stations. Anyway I’m thinking of the song Elastic Heart tonight ( See Video) Song Lyrics are at the Bottom of the post.
Fight, Flight or Freeze.
People always talk about the fight or flight response, they rarely talk about the freeze. That feeling of being a deer stuck in the headlights as life runs you down and you can't see which way to go. Grief and Depression suck. I haven’t written much, or really anything but obituaries in the last two years…. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I’m not in that great a space. My birthday was always a big deal growing up. That was one of the things Dad did really well. Even when I got older there was always multiple celebrations and gatherings.... until this year (I’m now I’m having lunch with some friends so I’m rescued, but until a few hours ago I was pretty low). I've been quiet I know. I'll write an update soon. In the meantime. Please read and sign this. It is so very important to me.
I am a fatalist. I think everything happens for a reason. The last few months have been stressful. The move to L.A, trying to get established, juggling jobs, and lack of jobs, trying to make ends meet, back issues, flu bugs, depression, etc. It's the most chaotic my life has ever been, at the same time I think that despite everything there is the most joy, peace and hope I've ever experienced.
My dad passed away tonight around 6pm. I have lost both of my fathers in the last 3 years and I must admit to feeling a bit in shock. I don't think it has sunk in yet. We knew it was coming, this has been a year and a half of extreme health hardship, and another 6 years or so before that of great difficulty. He had been in serious pain since about 2009. He had extreme diabetes, heart problems, kidney problems and a slough of other issues. The kidneys got him in the end. Cheese and Wine.
I recently wrote an article for Dishing Delish that talked about this glorious topic, and it got me thinking about what specific wines and cheeses do I like from the West Coast. So here are my favorites: |
About the BlogI've been blogging on and off for years. This is my area to explore healing, food, wine, travel and various thoughts on life. My goal: Be True. Be Kind. Heal. Dream. Inspire. Discover. Create. Archives
May 2023
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